HIDDEN WHITE WIVES
As the weather clears in Chicago, I’ve noticed a trend. It happened last year too. In fact, I first recall the occurrence nearly ten years ago when I lost a childhood friend to this epidemic.
There are a lot of black men with “hidden” white wives in my neighborhood. Familiar territory, you say? I agree. But what really irritates me is the ritual of “pro-blackness” that I hear throughout the seasons as neighbors rake leaves and shovel snow. I always hear about these wives (without any reference to their whiteness) but I never see them. Until it gets hot. Then there are family outings and the “pro-black” men who talk all black at the community meetings and block club events get quiet.
What they never seem to articulate but perhaps sense on an instinctive level is that their credibility as black men is crippled when we see who they have chosen as wives and lovers. As one sister told me, the imagery of a professional black man, who is standing on the shoulders of his ancestors (whether he knows it or not), kneeling to ask trailer park Susie for her hand in marriage is nauseating and insulting.
I’ve seen black women leave a block club BBQ with their daughters in tow because of the white supremacy dominating the conversation since Dr. So-and-So has a white wife. I don’t even have children but I can see how this is damaging to the young women and girls who are observing, growing, and thinking.
I’ve already encountered too many boys and young men in social services who cleave to the imagery where black men fawn over white lies. One client, age 15, noted that “white girls are just easier to get along with.” Now, this person has admitted that he has never met any white people his age but he gets the images from television. But TV ain’t totally to blame; I can look outside my door and find culprits.
Chicago is the “windy city” but not because of the actual climate. The origin of the term came from the constant gabbing (hot air) of crooked politicians. I find that this is an accurate category for the anti-black pro-black* men who contribute to the confusion in our community.
I don’t see any automatic unity or collective action as these older professional/university black men with hidden white wives have an agenda toward assimilation, from my perspective and experience. Whether it is a block club, a PTA meeting, or community policing these men ultimately go the way of buffer negroes.
The buffer zone, as Marcus Garvey stated and Haki Madhubuti elaborated are those negroes who are denatured and serve white masters in return for status, job security, etc. They think they speak for black people. They think they know best. They are utterly confused and pose a danger to themselves and anyone they encounter who is unaware of their insanity.
I am convinced that part of our dilemma as a people is the unaddressed black patriarchy and status striving that serve white supremacy. Not every black male needs saving, especially if they are a parasite in their taking.
*Kudos to Clare for her earlier blogs and her terminology, which I am drawing from here.
The URI to TrackBack this entry is: http://racialrealist.wordpress.com/2007/05/27/hidden-white-wives/trackback/
Recently, I joined a group to promote the heritage of the Caribbean island my parents are from. The board is made up of relatively young, black professionals. Only two members on the board are women, the rest are men. All the black men on the board are married to white women. They claim to care about their culture and their background, but really they want their culture on the side. They do not want it to be too much a part of their lives. I call these men part-time black men. They want a taste of black culture, but to fully immerse themselves in it would be just too much, hence the white wives. I think they should marry white women as to fully assimilate themselves, however I think they should avoid spewing their toxicity in meetings designed for black people.
The main issue is the power dynamic. One only has to follow the logic. Personally I don’t think that a person classified as non-white by the White Supremacists’ having sexual intercourse with a person classified as white helps to solve the race problem. In fact in my opinion it helps to further confuse the victim ( the non-white person) and further strenghthen the system of White Supremacy. During the sexual act, or sexual play, the non-white person is being abused. Since non-whites function as children in relationship to their masters the White Supremacists, the act of sexual intercourse is a form of Maximum Racist Agression. After the act, the victim is still in confinement. The agressor is in essence one of the guards in the proverbial prison of Racism/White Supremacy. The guard leaves with the keys to your freedom dangling just past you. Anything that doesn’t help to promote justice and subsequently result in the production of justice is a futile effort. Even in the area of religion, the proverbial White Supremacist says, “You can have any religion you want, as long as it doesn’t interfere with MY religion.”
Hi Miz JJ,
Thanks for reading. You make several excellent points.
Your concept of part-time black men hits the nail on the head. What really bothers me about these “brothers” is that their self-hatred, patriarchy, and internalized white supremacy isn’t limited to the States. I see from your experience, and from Clare’s observations of the UK, that this sick trend is indeed global.
What is especially frustrating, as you mentioned, is that these negro men don’t just keep their toxic nonsense to themselves. They spread it in communities, meetings, and schools where black folks gather. Some will say, “it’s their choice and so the consequences only impact them.” Far from the truth! Symbols, imagery, and trends are so deep rooted in our history and subconscious that it is imperative for us to be vigilant against such insanity.
Again, thanks for commenting, and thank you Clare, for your support of this piece!
To Miz JJ:
Thank you for the observation. Since I am not of Caribbean heritage (my ancestors ran away from the American South), it’s interesting to hear about what’s going on in community. I also like your phrase “part-time Black men.” I’ll have to borrow it from you! LOL!
I’ve seen a lot of part-time Black men in African-American professional associations. It seems to me that these individuals aren’t interested in a taste of their former culture:they just want people to network with,and a place to run to for help when they have professional problems with Whites.
Hi Clare, thanks for posting this on your blog.
Red C, this post is brilliant! It’s scary for some because this one just can’t be swept under the “angry/jealous” black woman rug. It’s coming from an intelligent and genuinely conscious black man who’s talking the truth while exposing the sinister dynamics of these type black men among us.
These black men won’t feel the need to mention their wife’s race, because they will tell you “race shouldn’t and doesn’t matter”. But yet, race only appears to matter when they want to talk about how white supremacy keeps the black man down ( what about looking out for the black female, your own likness?)
The ones that talk the talk do so to over compensate and hide their true desire, the white female of “equality”. For many of them, she represents an escape from blackness (so they think). However, even after proving themselves “worthy” of a white wife, some of these black men realize they still have “confusing” feelings (self-hate now mix with open guilt). Therefore, the talk and the front show will continue until they get made out. Just one of my theories
These type black men also cause so much of the circulating damage in the black community, especially among the up-coming youth. Their pawn taking hypocritical presence assures black women and little black girls they are not even worthy of the good expectations that comes with respected woman-hood (not even for the black men that appear to be “creditable”). All this while these type black men also serve as visual and mental recruiters for other black boys to abandon the black female = black family = black love, pride and unity. So to me, in essence these men are actual failures in the eyes of the already oppressed black community.
Thanks for letting me share my feelings.
This post is a true reflection of what is happen within the black community worldwide. When I left the UK in the late 1990’s to work in the Caribbean, I had read in the then publication Caribbean Times that one third of black males in the UK were in a mixed relationship. This was very disturbing to me as these men often had little or no sense of black pride. They often saw themselves has British first then black (or Afro-Caribbean or African), rather than Black first. Furthermore they often felt more comfortable around whites than within the black community or black company. Bottom line is they have become a COCONUT, BOUNTY, etc.
If you review black professionals, entertainers/ celebrities or in unusual high positions in the UK, there has always been a similar picture, i.e. Black man with white wife or girlfriend. The only thing that has changed over the decade I have been out of the UK is that black women are getting into these high positions although the trend of black/ white union, although not has disturbing has the UK males trend, is very evident.
I am often seen as racist, simply because I do not believe in Black/ White unions. I have a son and two daughters and I will do all it takes to facilitate them with cultivating black/ black union. I believe that generally (not always the case), this union will be better for the survival of the black race physically and mentally, And will make them more appreciative of who they are, where they have come from and where they are going.
In my experience the UK whites prefer blacks (whether male or female) who has a partner that is white. This affirms (or sends a signal) that they are more Afro-Saxon than Afro-Caribbean/ African. Bottom line is they are becoming or have become a ‘House Negro’. This is the criteria for being totally (or partially) accepted and ready for being picked as a loyal ‘Token black’.
The bottom line is mixed race children in the UK are more likely to be accepted as true Afro-Saxon, with the next generation (when they mix with the whites) being more closer to becoming European (physically and mentally).
Unfortunately, there are too many ‘coconuts’ (particular in the UK) who feel that the only way they will become accepted is to go and find themselves a white person. Being with a black person will only bring oppression and hardship.
Finally, particularly white women, check out how they act when they are in a mixed relationship. They feel they know more about being black than blacks. They will try to talk down to blacks, etc, etc. These white women are the most infuriating and I try not to have cultural conversations which such women.
If you want to read Afro-Saxon view point simply go to:
http://www.colourfulnetwork.com/login/?ReturnUrl=%2fforum%2fDefault.aspx
The news coverage on black issues in the UK and Worldwide is good but some views from individuals are typical in the UK context.
Paul Said:
…I had read in the then publication Caribbean Times that one third of black males in the UK were in a mixed relationship.
By 1997, one half of all black males in the UK were in a relationship with a white woman and I wouldn’t be surprised if it hadn’t risen to 60% by now. The UK is such an extreme example of black assimilation that in a UK context we are probably talking about “hidden black wives” lol - you’re right, in the UK most whites appear to prefer blacks to choose a white partner over a black one and I get the impression that most black folk prefer to be around white folk…I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - I don’t think it makes sense for “conscious” black folk to choose to live in the UK/ Europe and or remain (if they were unfortunate enough to be brought there as children).
Miz JJ Said:
…All the black men on the board are married to white women.
That’s pretty grim - if this situation is replicated in Canada as a whole, the black population will disappear within a couple of generations (50/ 60 years!).
They claim to care about their culture and their background, but really they want their culture on the side. They do not want it to be too much a part of their lives. I call these men part-time black men. They want a taste of black culture, but to fully immerse themselves in it would be just too much, hence the white wives.
Interesting theory. I also feel that they are using the black community as a “back-up” so that they have black people to turn to when they experience racism… I guess, like most black people, sometimes they grow weary/ stressed when they constantly have to contend with “proving themselves” in white environments so they use the black community as an outlet for their stress. Hanging around the black community and having “token black friends” also enables them to delude themselves that they still care about black folk/ being black.
I think they should marry white women as to fully assimilate themselves, however I think they should avoid spewing their toxicity in meetings designed for black people.
Exactly. White-oriented black men should marry white women. At the same time, I agree that they should have the integrity to keep out of meetings designed for black folk. Actually, my advice to such men would be to stay away from the black community generally as their motivation is self-serving and insincere… even more worrying, as RED C pointed out, their presence is damaging to the psyches of young black girls.
Clare, I agree with you 101%. If blacks want to assimilate into or with the white race then they should not be given the chance to use the black community has a fall back or shoulder to cry on when the whites reject them. They should find a white person to sympathise with them. As one of Ice Cube songs goes, ‘you ghetto pass is sequestered, as the black folks don’t want you back’.
RED C said
…I see from your experience, and from Clare’s observations of the UK, that this sick trend is indeed global.
It’s definitely global but the plight of black folk in some parts of the world is worse than in others. For example, I think the blacks in the UK/ Europe (for obvious reasons) are the most assimilated blacks in the world so it follows that the majority of black people in these countries are going to be white-oriented. For the same reason that Africa is associated with blackness, Europe (whether it’s the UK, France, Germany or the Netherlands) is inextricably linked with whiteness and there can be no pretense from black folk who choose to move there/ remain there that the end result will not be assimilation… I think the white-oriented US Blacks should do Black Americans a favor and move to Europe lol!
What is especially frustrating, as you mentioned, is that these negro men don’t just keep their toxic nonsense to themselves. They spread it in communities, meetings, and schools where black folks gather.
As your piece suggests, not only do they damage the psyches of young black girls, but they also train young black boys to think in a denatured way - it’s criminal.
Again, thanks for commenting, and thank you Clare, for your support of this piece!
You’re welcome - many thanks for giving your permission to post it!
Paul Said:
…Finally, particularly white women, check out how they act when they are in a mixed relationship. They feel they know more about being black than blacks. They will try to talk down to blacks, etc, etc. These white women are the most infuriating and I try not to have cultural conversations which such women.
I know exactly what you are talking about - these types (in the UK at least) tend to be aggressive with black people generally and discriminate against black women in particular. They feel that they can be as discriminatory as they wish because they can use the fact that their husband is black to claim that they are not being racist. Ironically I consider that these women are often more racist in their thinking patterns and behavior than the average white person - someone should do some research on this - I think the results would be interesting.
<i>…I’ve seen black women leave a block club BBQ with their daughters in tow because of the white supremacy dominating the conversation since Dr. So-and-So has a white wife. I don’t even have children but I can see how this is damaging to the young women and girls who are observing, growing, and thinking.
I’ve already encountered too many boys and young men in social services who cleave to the imagery where black men fawn over white lies. One client, age 15, noted that “white girls are just easier to get along with.” Now, this person has admitted that he has never met any white people his age but he gets the images from television. But TV ain’t totally to blame; I can look outside my door and find culprits.</i>
Red C, these examples are indicators of the destructive nature of assimilation. Some will argue that assimilation is a positive, beneficial, and natural progression for black society and therefore should be embraced and encouraged. Those who subscribe to such beliefs fail to realize just what is asked of the assimilating black. Blacks cannot assimilate into a culture that is based on white supremacy without acknowledging themselves as an inferior being. How does one who claims to be pro black also assimilate into an anti black culture? This can only be achieved through the conscious acceptance of an anti black philosophy, resulting in hatred of self and culture. They buy into the concept that white is right and black is whack. They encourage the acceptance of white imagery as nothing more than the reality of the world in which we live and the example for which our children should set their aspirations.
Today the conscious black is in the minority, as assimilation pervades our community. While this has always been a part of our history as blacks, we have now reached the point of no return…Perhaps it is time that we as black people consider the alternative of relocating to a black nation, and realize that places like America, Canada and the UK are not beneficial to our wellbeing and that places such as the Caribbean or Africa may provide us with a greater long-term quality of life…
<i>Perhaps it is time that we as black people consider the alternative of relocating to a black nation, and realize that places like America, Canada and the UK are not beneficial to our wellbeing and that places such as the Caribbean or Africa may provide us with a greater long-term quality of life…</i>
I’d go even further and suggest that Europe/ the UK are actually toxic to black folk…similarly these countries attract denatured black folk from other countries (The Caribbean, Africa and the US) - it’s a vicious cycle… I see no future for black people in Europe - in my opinion, the conscious black person who chooses to live in Europe is an oxymoron. lol.
I am glad to have read the final conclusive statement to this discussion just above. I have longed for the day when more blacks realize that the only place we will become one is where we exist as one people. Mother Africa and her cousin Islands have awaited our return for decades. Only we hold the power to realize our destiny, and how our true chance to return to glory situates upon our acceptance of either returning “Home” or creating a new home, free of integration. In my humble opinion, Africa holds the final key to the restoration of our people. As a Black man, I have seen the effects of society, and the exploits on our people. I have bared the brunt of harsh rejection from our own Black women when initiating my interest for them. I have lived in the UK for 6 months, and no matter how many White women I saw, with bodies or not, there was no comparison for the internal love I have for the beauty and soul of Black women. We are one. Only we have to realize it. Although the relationship I experience with women has been seriously discouraging. I live in DC, and just looking into the eyes of Black women here a Black man can feel hate and disgust. Even though sometimes this situation occurs in the midst of a sea of white people. I feel looked down upon, by my own sisters. I feel they could care less of my goals, my physically attractive attributes, and sound mind and education. Here, status and image grant the acceptance or the allowance of a causual conversation. Otherwise, any efforts to socialize in passing on the street; in class; at the office; or in the club (Women attend the club scene as groups, not as individuals, and are there to entertain and socialize within themselves regardless of the presence of eligible men. - It is common for women to believe and accept to believe that one cannot talk or socialize at a club) are completely ignored. The most recently accepted social environment that Black men could approach Black women was at a lounge. Now, As a man who believes in treating everyone with respect whenever or wherever I am spoken to, I expect the women in DC to be the same. However, that isn’t the case. If a man does not approach a women in the “Right Setting” he is rejected before he could offer any value. This among other self-defining issues in the Black community in DC, stirs up Black mens resentment of Black women here. (Now Black men here in DC do contribute to this behavoir by responding with profanity and degrading words or ideals of these type of women - thereby exacerbating the situation and resentment of each other.) As a Black man, it is hard to accept that one must meet qualifications for simple human interaction. Women limiting their openness and communicating only at a lounge severely limit their options for finding a Black man, and further promote our interest in dating outside our race. But our love and attraction are still there, even though some of us choose to move on. Some blame the attitude of Black women. I say it is the group mentality of today’s Black women. Every social action must be approved and accepted by close girlfriends instead of the women making the decision herself. In cases where women (independent of packs) are approached, fear of pain rules her emotional thinking, and the hope of love is tossed out. We Blacks are a proud people, which also makes us sensitive. Black men are extremely proud, and when rejected or challenged constantly about their manhood when incorrectly approaching a woman based on superficial emotions or confidence provided by “material” posessions, they quickly look for ways to patch their emotional wounds. Words that Black women use at dismissing Black men sometimes cut so deep, that we refuse to be dishonored by a mere women ever again. It seems a Black man must appear to be someone other than himself. Not the Man of God he was designed to be. But because the media, both mainstream and hip-hop have promoted independent women-hood, Black men often are told they can offer little or nothing to an educated Black women, even those who are educated, straight, and upward bound. We are always found to have some fault, or not be on top of our game. This comes from an educated Black man, who accepts not growing up with a father (having to learn man-hood from the streets and media), but who also choose the path of sincerity and truth. But I realized, that the more women reject me, no matter what aquisitions I make, that I am not the problem. Men hold the seed to promote our race forever. Women hold the womb. But until we understand our need for each other, many of us will give our seeds to women desiring the quailties found in Black men.
Again, though, I continue to have faith that the reunion of Black men and women will one day return and our love for each other will secure our future as the Great Race we are. Let’s rebuild Oklahoma City. See you in the Mother Land.
Remember… We have to find ourselves before we want to intergrate with others. During slavery we didn’t have a choice. Now we have that chance.
_______________________________________________________
Mr.Shea Butter is a recent graduate of Howard University and native Washingtonian. He has now choosen the path of self development in order not to offer any unnecessary values to today’s Black women. However, he is always open to reconciliation.
Mr. Shea, as a fellow Washingtonian I feel your pain. However I found out years ago that the venues you’ve suggested for meeting black women are nothing more than breeding grounds for the materialistic, superficial types. DC offers an abundance of opportunity for black males like yourself to meet sisters who are grounded and have a deep appreciation for their men.
The problem is they wouldn’t be caught dead at most of the social functions you’ve listed. As far as meeting them on the street, consider that the average attractive black woman is probably approached several times a day by men black, white, or indifferent, trying to get those digits.. after a while it becomes numbing to the point that they automatically shut down when they see it coming.
The hatred that you feel is more percieved than real for I have never had a problem finding black women to date or share friendship with in the DC area. My suggestion to you is to try some unique alternatives. Spend some time at Martha’s Kitchen or get involved with mentoring programs, child development centers, or black organizations promoting social change. While you will have to sacrifice short skirts, cleavage, and pumps, you will find natural non materialistic sisters that will judge you on your character.
Stay Strong..
While I can understand and agree with the sentiments and the observations noted, I don’t understand why the same people comfortably ignore black women doing the same thing. Who talks about 5 time Tony Award winner Audra Mcdonald and her hidden white husband? Or R&B “Soul” singer Heather Headly and hers? Who speaks of all these prominent black women who owe their entire careers to black people who are in hiding with their white companions? If they were men would everyone be so silent? If you were at a table of a black event would you not understand and relate to a black woman who had a white spouse but said she was still “pro black”? I agree with most if not all of the sentiments expressed but I disagree with hypocrisy. You must speak with one voice, otherwise, its not worth speaking at all.
-If really want to know the extended list of names I referred to, let me know. That would make an interesting line of discussion also reflective of reality.
Outsider Said:
While I can understand and agree with the sentiments and the observations noted, I don’t understand why the same people comfortably ignore black women doing the same thing. Who talks about 5 time Tony Award winner Audra Mcdonald and her hidden white husband? Or R&B “Soul” singer Heather Headly and hers? Who speaks of all these prominent black women who owe their entire careers to black people who are in hiding with their white companions? If they were men would everyone be so silent? If you were at a table of a black event would you not understand and relate to a black woman who had a white spouse but said she was still “pro black”? I agree with most if not all of the sentiments expressed but I disagree with hypocrisy. You must speak with one voice, otherwise, its not worth speaking at all.
While there are indeed cases of “denatured black women” choosing white spouses simply because they are white, this trend appears to be much more pronounced in the case of black men. There is a long history of gendered racism/ intraracial racism associated with black male interracial relationships. Additionally, there is currently a shortage of black men in the USA. Thus, while black male interracial relationships may at first glance look no different from black female interracial relationships, you are not comparing like with like. The gender specific nature of interracial relationships has been discussed often in this blog so check out the posts relating to this if you are interested.
Yes, I agree for the most part with this:
“While there are indeed cases of “denatured” black women choosing white spouses simply because they are white, this trend appears to be much more pronounced in the case of black men.”
However women seem to interpret this ‘appearance’ inaccurately. Unlike most women, many men believe they can sleep with women without becoming emotionally attached, and at times readily seize on opportunities to do so. A lot of interracial relationships among black men are unfortunately and unnecessarily a result of this common male misconception. However, that is not the case among black women. As you may already know and as I alluded to, these women do not represent the demographic of black women that would qualify for the trumped up male shortage “pass cards” that are being handed to black women en masse who I believe collectively have a much stronger preference for white companions than their male counterparts. In other words, collectively black women in interracial relationships prefer white companions more so than the black men who have done the same thing. Indeed, as has been mentioned here (Mr. Shea), these women are also a cause of men getting involved in interracial relationships. Thus the environment of double-standards for them, especially among black women, compared to their male counterparts is also part of the problem. Why do they get silence? Why are they still welcomed? Praised? Why is there no disgust for them? Why do they get pass cards? Silence.
Outsider said: “In other words, collectively black women in interracial relationships prefer white companions more so than the black men who have done the same thing.”
Now, how did you honestly come up with that theory? It’s been proven otherwise statistically and not to mention it’s visually obvious, more black men date white partners. This is beyond a land slide and it’s too obvious and should be easy to comprehend. Please be fair. That being said, what could have possibly been your tool of measurement on this conclusion? So, did the few black women you observed looked more at peace and content or something?
Please re-read Clare’s previous post, and try to get the point.
It would be nice if people like you would at least be up-front enough to claim your race and gender, so others could see which equation of this imbalance pie circle you unfairly choose see things from.
La (msviswan) said to Outsider: “Please re-read Clare’s previous post, and try to get the point.”
Thank you, I couldn’t have responded to that nonsense better myself. It occurs to me that Outsider’s deeply flawed analysis is a good example of some of the denial and dishonesty that surrounds discussions about Black men chasing non-Black women. However, denial and dishonesty are at the root of most discussions about the African-American community’s problems.
Here are some of my not-so-favorite syndromes:
[1]GOING THE EXTRA MILE FOR EVERYONE BUT OURSELVES. Listening to Negros complain that Black women “drove” them into the arms of white women reminds me of how many Blacks treat Black businesses: One negative experience with a Black business results in the person swearing never to patronize another Black business. However, one negative experience with a Korean, Arab, or White business results in the same person swearing never to patronize that particular Korean, etc. business. Meanwhile, they persist in finding other non-Black businesses to patronize. The same crazy thinking applies to relationships. Too many of us are willing and eager to go the extra mile for everyone but our own people.
[2]CALLING FOR THINGS WE REALLY DON’T WANT. Years ago, a friend joked about how Blacks are complaining about the lack of serious dramas about normal Black families living normal lives; but yet we couldn’t support movies like “Once Upon a Time We Were Colored” because we were too busy watching “New Jack City.” Again, the same dysfunctional behavior applies to relationships. What we actually want and what we say we want are often two different things. I’ve watched women reject decent guys as “boring” while complaining about being mistreated by “players.” I’ve also watched so-called conscious brothers chase women based on the same superficial criteria (light-skin, long processed hair, etc.—–don’t get me started on the politics of skin and hair in the African-American community!)used by the “unconscious” men.
[3]“THE B**** SET ME UP” DEFENSE. Certainly we all remember this quote from former D.C. mayor Marion Barry. When caught with a crack pipe dangling from his lips, all he could say was that the woman he was with set him up. Never mind the active steps he had to take on his own to find the crack dealer, buy the crack, get a pipe, set the pipe to his lips and smoke, etc. If Black men are abandoning their own people, it must be Black women’s fault. If it can’t be proven to be Black women’s fault, then certainly there are Black women who are engaged in the same behavior. According to this sort of thinking, it is inappropriate to acknowledge the conscious, deliberate choices that lead up to some Black men abandoning their own people. It has to be someone else’s fault.
This is all very tiresome. However, one question that I have started to wonder about is this: How is it that Black women raise so many sons who grow up to hate Black women? Any thoughts on this?
Outsider Said:
…I believe collectively have a much stronger preference for white companions than their male counterparts. In other words, collectively black women in interracial relationships prefer white companions more so than the black men who have done the same thing.
I really think you need to do some more research on the issue before claiming that black women are more likely to prefer white partners than black men as this contradicts all the statistics. Look at the Washington post article “Singled Out” which notes that:
For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes…For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate — 9.7 percent — than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That’s twice the rate of black women.
Additionally according to other figures (See Rhonda Swan Blog where Oliver quotes Wilder), a staggering number of professional black men are choosing white spouses:
52 percent of African American doctors, 48 percent of African American lawyers, half of African American CEOs and 60 percent of African American millionaires are married to white women.
La (msviswan) Said:…It’s been proven otherwise statistically and not to mention it’s visually obvious, more black men date white partners.
Precisely. It actually makes me take someone’s argument less seriously when they deny the obvious.
Khadija Said:… denial and dishonesty are at the root of most discussions about the African-American community’s problems.
Amen!
[1]GOING THE EXTRA MILE FOR EVERYONE BUT OURSELVES. Listening to Negros complain that Black women “drove” them into the arms of white women reminds me of how many Blacks treat Black businesses: One negative experience with a Black business results in the person swearing never to patronize another Black business. However, one negative experience with a Korean, Arab, or White business results in the same person swearing never to patronize that particular Korean, etc. business.
Great analogy!
…If Black men are abandoning their own people, it must be Black women’s fault. If it can’t be proven to be Black women’s fault, then certainly there are Black women who are engaged in the same behavior. According to this sort of thinking, it is inappropriate to acknowledge the conscious, deliberate choices that lead up to some Black men abandoning their own people. It has to be someone else’s fault.
And the logical conclusion of this crazy way of thinking is that black women are flawed - all I can say is if black women are flawed, then what does that say about you (I’m assuming Outsider is a black male but I could be wrong) because their male counterparts must also be flawed.
This is all very tiresome. However, one question that I have started to wonder about is this: How is it that Black women raise so many sons who grow up to hate Black women? Any thoughts on this?
Good question. I think it’s a combination of a lot of things including bringing the child up to see white as good and black as bad…excessive corporal punishment might be another factor - but that’s the subject for another blog. lol
Nothing anyone said is inconsistent with what I said or the position I maintain, including the deafening silence I predicted. Not the outdated higher rates of interracial marriage reported by the U.S. census bureau, or the questionable assertions drawn from the data of single black women compared to men that does not account for the largely male immigrant population among blacks or the fact that there are far more single women than men in the U.S. among elderly because of life-span differences. Indeed it has been reported that black women are married at higher rates than black men, a fact that can be proved if you were not aware.
The statement I made was not directed at black women in general as has been clearly asserted, but rather only at black women who are in interracial relationships compared to the men who also are. If you look again, numbers and percentages are irrelevant in the comparison I made because it was qualitative not quantitative. I am not in denial of anything if you can believe that, or grant me (a black man) a pass if not. Tell me this, do you think it is a problem that there is a huge double-standard…?
I agree for the most part with the # [3] of Khadija. I think a problem is the promotion and acceptance of promiscuity among black youth, especially men. Look at my previous comment. I do not think black mothers can do much more, accept to bring to the forefront real men that you want your sons to emulate and your daughters to value. This is a tough one, I don’t the answer to it. I wish I did.
Outsider said: “I do not think black mothers can do much more, accept to bring to the forefront real men that you want your sons to emulate and your daughters to value.”
If you’re a black male, why are you even calling yourself an “outsider”, it just goes to show. Anyway, I don’t understand much of your entire drivel, but based on what I interpreted by this piece, I could only say this.
A woman can NOT teach a boy how to be a man. Many black fathers need to find the good sense and admit they need to be present and show/teach their daughters how a black woman should be respected, what to look for and what to expect from a loving black man when she grows into womanhood. Black fathers need to show/teach their son’s how to respectfully treat, love, adore a black woman and their children by setting example in the home and in the black community…Period!
Outsider said: “Indeed it has been reported that black women are married at higher rates than black men…. The statement I made was not directed at black women in general as has been clearly asserted, but rather only at black women who are in interracial relationships compared to the men who also are.”
As for this other part you stated, if you are trying to insinuate that more black women marry their white partner vs black men marrying their white partner, you are still not helping your so call double standard theory. As a matter of fact you’re only making black men look even worse.
Apart from debating that so call statistic, let’s flip it racially from the male’s angle point. Only fair considering in this society, men and women still play in the advantage/disadvantage roles when it comes to the expectations of marraige. Now with that being said, you are actually saying, WHITE men choose to marry their black female partners considering their particular IR union is still in the least percentile. All this compared to black men who are obviously higher in this particular IR percentile, but choose NOT to marry their white female partners? hmmmm
In other words the white male in these particular IR unions with black women, reveal more sincerity and respect, so they naturally exhibit this by marrying their black female partners? On the other hand, the black men are clearly in staggering mulititude numbers of IR’s for self-hating and self-serving liaisons with these white women. Therefore, there is no need to marry, because they are not serious and do not respect these women or women in general anyway? Interesting…
I hope I got this correct and it wraps it up (I won’t be responding to this again).
Outsider Said:
Nothing anyone said is inconsistent with what I said or the position I maintain, including the deafening silence I predicted.
I beg to differ. Virtually everything you have said contradicts this blog post and subsequent comments. While you have implied that you share the values of black-on-black love, I don’t see any evidence to support that claim in your actual comments.
I also don’t understand your allegation of a “deafening silence”. I have tried to answer the main question you posed about there apparently being a double standard for black female interracial relationships and pointed out that you are not comparing like with like. It is common knowledge to anyone who knows anything about race that black male interracial relationships GROSSLY OUTNUMBER black female interracial relationships. If you have made up your mind (for whatever reason) that more black women are in interracial relationships than black men, then no statistics are going to convince you as in your mind they will all be skewed. While there are indications that this will probably change over the next 10 years, in the US overall in 2007, black male interracial relationships still greatly exceed those of black women. I don’t know what your motivation is in insisting that black female interracial relationships exceed those of black males…if you simply want to justify black men pursuing interracial relationships, just say so, and be done with it…as La requested earlier, “try to get the point”.
Claire,
I read your stats on the percentage of prof black males married to non-black women. It is unreal.
Black people love to complain about “the man”, but love to be in bed with “the man’. Black men need to be ashamed of themselves. I am an OBGYN and in law school part time at Hofstra Law school. I no longer feel sorry for black males who run into trouble with the law or who are mistreated in our society. They are the reason the black community is in the condition it is. How can you always forget where you come from and who helped you get there. You came through a black woman into this world and yet you piss on her. You will pay for that.
Kim Said:…Black men need to be ashamed of themselves…I no longer feel sorry for black males who run into trouble with the law or who are mistreated in our society. They are the reason the black community is in the condition it is…
Please be specific and make your comments with reference to “certain black men” as opposed to “black men”…at the moment it sounds like you are saying black men in general are “no good” which isn’t acceptable - the author of this very post and Change Agent (who has commented here) are just two examples of the many black men who care passionately about black women and the black community.
Are there irresponsible black men? Of course there are. But I constantly hear that there are no good black men, but how many black women have considered the local electrician or plumber, etc.
I think there are a disproportionate amount of black women who like a previous said just aren’t looking in the right places. Electricians or plumbers may not have the latest Bentley, but make relatively good wages. It appears that with the tremendous gains that black women have made in education and home-ownership, has come the same over-demanding, masculinized,over-materialistic attitude that mirrors that of Racist Woman. It sounds like the illusion of inclusion (of which many black men suffer too) Many black women have failed to see that the black man is truly enemy number ONE of White Supremacy, and it is within this context that she must have empathy for him. When was the last time a black woman you know helped a black man with his resume? That black man probably would have asked for help, but is probably afraid of getting his head taken off verbally. Speaking only for myself I know what I look for in a black woman first and foremost is an understanding of what it is that we as black women and men are facing (White Supremacy in all areas of people activity)and subsequently a strong desire for justice. I also must have a feminine black female that I don’t have to try to tame. One who is good-natured and reasoned. The black woman also must be able to compromise in the relationship.
Conversely the black man must also have empathy for the black woman. I can understand why black women are mad, but I’d like to here them articulate it more clearly. From what I hear from black women mostly (most of the ones I encounter are Christians) is “count it all joy”, “I’m so blessed”, etc. Mostly just not wanting to feel bad I guess. Perhaps they just do a good job of hiding their pain.
How quickly many black women have forgotten how they were raped by their masters in front of their men while they were shackled. Too many black women cannot see the simple fact that the people who run the globe (Racist Man and Racist Woman) do not want to see too many black doctors, scientists, etc.. Our women appear to also forget that the White Supremacists purposely placed the black woman in a superior position in society. It was all by design.
Well, I feel awkward now. I was not aware that the author of this post was a black man. I think it perfectly acceptable and even necessary for black men to raise these issues in our circles. I do the same thing quite heavy handedly in mine. I find that as a man I have more influence with other men and thus I feel obligated to use it in this matter. In doing so, I hear of and have faced a lot of issues where men tell me how some of their young female counterparts treat them as if they are worthless dregs and seem only to respect and acknowledge education and good-standing more so in white men. I do not see an effort in black women’s circles to combat this, it seems like its encouraged. As I can see from the previous post that does not seem to be the case here, my apologies.
Mr. Outsider, I’m actually a male. I guess the name salt is feminine sounding. No offense taken in case you want know.
Salt said: “Many black women have failed to see that the black man is truly enemy number ONE of White Supremacy, and it is within this context that she must have empathy for him.”
I won’t say all black men are clearly “enemy number one” to white supremacy, and white supremacy also know which ones to target. As a matter of fact, these type black men who date non-black women, particularly white women, are actually no threat to white supremacy. In actuality, these type black men continue to enable the oppression of black women, the black community and all hidden racism that aim towards blacks in general, all because of their self-serving and “color blind” submission. Modern white supremacy are now learning to accept and tolerate these type black men. They now see them as submissive, a breach or a broken link which helps destroy possible black unity/power. So, not all black men in this case point are their “enemies”.
Another thing, black women in general have given our share of “empathy” to black men generally without reciprocation by most (sorry to say). Yes, we still hook a brother up with a resume, a pat on the back, listening ear and more. This is all good, but we also need “empathy” and wits for ourselves being we are still generally oppressed black women. Only support those who respect and support us. The “mammy” died when she found out she was used, alone and abandoned. That’s what I always say.
…but how many black women have considered the local electrician or plumber, etc.
Yes, there are good black men who are “plumbers and electricians” and would make good loving partners and fathers (I would date one as long as he is a good man and he’s able to at least help equally in the finances). Even so, it still becomes pitiful when the black community insist that “top notch” professional type black women should consider a plumber or a “sanitation tech” as a mate (no offense). Do you think the white or Asian community honestly tell their professional white/Asian women or their women in general to go out and seek plumbers? I know this may sound brash but somehow, there’s a double standard in this and I don’t like it. I’m just being realistic and fair here. Do you think black women generally get “breaks” from most black men or men in general when it comes to the imposed beauty standards?(ex.) Another thing, do you think white women who tap into IR’s with black men go out looking for the black plumbers, the black electricians and the black janitors?? I could say more about this and the other issues you raised, but it would only stray from the original topic.
Peace.
salt Said:…It appears that with the tremendous gains that black women have made in education and home-ownership, has come the same over-demanding, masculinized,over-materialistic attitude that mirrors that of Racist Woman…When was the last time a black woman you know helped a black man with his resume? That black man probably would have asked for help, but is probably afraid of getting his head taken off verbally…How quickly many black women have forgotten how they were raped by their masters in front of their men while they were shackled…Our women appear to also forget that the White Supremacists purposely placed the black woman in a superior position in society. It was all by design.
Your remarks sound as if you have a problem with “all black women”. By all means make whatever point you wish to make but please make it clear that your comments refer to “certain/ some black women” not “black women.” Thank you.
To everyone: could we all try to refrain from making blanket statements about all black men and all black women - thanks in advance.
La (msviswan) Said:
Salt said: “Many black women have failed to see that the black man is truly enemy number ONE of White Supremacy, and it is within this context that she must have empathy for him.”
I won’t say all black men are clearly “enemy number one” to white supremacy, and white supremacy also know which ones to target. As a matter of fact, these type black men who date non-black women, particularly white women, are actually no threat to white supremacy. In actuality, these type black men continue to enable the oppression of black women, the black community and all hidden racism that aim towards blacks in general, all because of their self-serving and “color blind” submission. Modern white supremacy are now learning to accept and tolerate these type black men. They now see them as submissive, a breach or a broken link which helps destroy possible black unity/power. So, not all black men in this case point are their “enemies”.
Excellent points - this corresponds very well with what I was saying in “The Good Black Person” versus the “Bad Black Person” post and the “Anti Black Pro Black Post”. The types of men who turn their noses up at their own women are the ultimate “good black person” /”anti black person”; they are not enemies of white supremacy but agents of white supremacy.
…the black man is truly enemy number ONE of White Supremacy, and it is within this context that she must have empathy for him.
There is no way that all black men (or all black women) are enemies of white supremacy. If that was the case the black community would not be in the position it is in today. The reason there are weaknesses in the black community is due not only to white racism but the anti-black blacks who collude with white supremacist system…yes, super-assmilated blacks like OJ Simpson, Quincy Jones, Taye Diggs, Kobe Bryant, Lionel Richie, Seal, John McWhorter, Louis Gates, Paul Gilroy (to name just a few) who live, sleep and breathe whiteness are ENEMIES of white supremacy. Are you kidding me?!!!
Mr. Salt, I was referring to the “ruminations…” post right before you, I just saw your comments.
I agree with what you say that black men are more of a threat to the white establishment. A black man on the board of directors of a major corporation is more of a threat to the Chairman, CEO than a black women on the board. The black man can actually become the Chairman, CEO which happened at TimeWarner and American Express. The black woman has too many hurdles an obstacles to threaten the top, they are the ‘darlings of diversity’. I am a University Professor with high-level government ties, background, affiliation, and ambition. I did an analysis of student advising, black men where advised by far the least amount of time while black women where advised the same as white men and women. I found the same trends pervading in high-schools. Most of the faculty and administrators there are women so that may have been a cause. Disciplinary measures for black males was also harsher there. Even among young grade school children, at times over 90% of black boys where labeled as ‘hyper-active’ and drugged up with Ritalin and other behavioral agents. White boys and other boys were also affected, but not as much. Black girls and white girls were not. These drugs prevent regular learning and have increased in usage among boys in the last 20 yrs. Given these trends it does not surprise me that black males have begun to lag behind in education, although they are still leading in science, medicine, dentistry, business, engineering, and computer tech. There does appear to be a design targeting black men. However, among the men that succeed some may not help black people including black women. Its a tough argument to make that black women should support black males given this reality. Although I agree with you.
Outsider said: “…Black men are more of a threat to the White establishment. A Black man on the board of directors of a major corporation is more of a threat to the chairman, CEO than a Black woman on the board. The Black man can actually become the Chairman, CEO which happened at TimeWarner and American Express.”
Lord have mercy… When are we going to move beyond celebrating token achievements, individual Blacks with “good jobs,” and “Black faces in high places”?
It’s the 21st century (Christian era) and we’re still celebrating the jobs that Malcolm X referred to as “the first Black dogcatcher and the mayor’s butler.”
Please be advised: A Black CEO or Chairman of a White corporation serves the interests of that White corporation and its shareholders. If he does not serve the shareholders’ interests, he will be promptly removed from that position.
Please be advised: Token access to positions in White institutions has not helped our people. Are we better off because Colin Powell, Condoleeza, the man at American Express (I think his name was Chenault), etc. have prominent jobs in White institutions? I think not; and we’ve been celebrating “the first Black fill-in-the-blank” since the 1950’s. Time out on this.
Please be advised: Blacks (collectively)are not a threat to anyone but ourselves in our current condition and mentality.
Please be advised: The only thing that is a threat to White supremacy would be if we started building institutions of our own. Not being able to provide employment for ourselves and our children is a critical weakness. Beggars are not threats.
Please be advised: White supremacist governments are very talented at eliminating true threats: they kill and/or imprison them. The masses of Black children who are “serviced” by government social service agencies and drugged with Ritalin, etc. in the public schools aren’t a threat to White supremacy. They are a source of income. Much of this wouldn’t happen if we had the sense to build and support our own private school systems. I look at the example of the Catholic school system built mostly by Irish immigrants at the turn of the last century and wonder why we haven’t done the same (especially given the number of churches in the African-American community).
It all comes back to building Black institutions, which is nearly impossible without unity and love for ourselves and each other.
Peace.
Khadija Said:
Outsider said: “…Black men are more of a threat to the White establishment. A Black man on the board of directors of a major corporation is more of a threat to the chairman, CEO than a Black woman on the board. The Black man can actually become the Chairman, CEO which happened at TimeWarner and American Express.”
Lord have mercy… When are we going to move beyond celebrating token achievements, individual Blacks with “good jobs,” and “Black faces in high places”?
It’s the 21st century (Christian era) and we’re still celebrating the jobs that Malcolm X referred to as “the first Black dogcatcher and the mayor’s butler.
Thank you!!! Additionally, I don’t think either black men or black women have a monopoly on suffering; for the most part we suffer from the same indignities, and occasionally we suffer in different ways. I am sure that if the decision-makers were white women - which these days is often the case - the black men would be given an easier time than black women, so it’s not as cut and dried as all that…it also seems like some people begrudge black women any small crumb of opportunity that they get, and I don’t think this kind of competitiveness amongst black men and women is healthy for black relationships. Be that as it may, you’re absolutely right: we need to be building up ourselves, our communities and our institutions rather than whining about who gets more breaks at assimilating into white supremacist society.
Yes, believe it or not, I agree with both of you on this. More than perhaps you realize.
Oh no, I disagree with ruminations on this:
“I am sure that if the decision-makers were white women - which these days is often the case - the black men would be given an easier time than black women”
White female decision-makers are often from privileged racist backgrounds every bit and even more so racist than their male counterparts. They are also mostly ‘feminists’ who ally themselves with black women feminists against black men and other men, of course to keep themselves at the top. I find black women ally with them a lot in the U.S. and actually have an easier time with white women decision-makers as a result.
Could you do thread for fathers day? Make sure we all uplift our good black fathers, I might try to surprise mine.
Even so, it still becomes pitiful when the black community insist that “top notch” professional type black women should consider a plumber or a “sanitation tech” as a mate (no offense). Do you think the white or Asian community honestly tell their professional white/Asian women or their women in general to go out and seek plumbers?
This comment caught my eye. I completely agree. This type of comment is especially thrown out in “black” women’s magazines. Especially Ebony, which I happen to see sometimes at my aunts. It is always “Look you highly educated black woman, get off your high horse and date a janitor.” What? Why? Because most of the cream of the crop has ridden off and married non-black women now I have to settle? It is crazy. Also, I love how you tied it to how black women do not get a break on imposed beauty standards. Some of those janitors and plumbers still want a light skinned, long haired, light eyed chick. However, it is black women who need to lower their standards. That is part of what is wrong with us as a community. We have collectively lowered our standards.
Outsider Said:
Oh no, I disagree with ruminations on this:
“I am sure that if the decision-makers were white women - which these days is often the case - the black men would be given an easier time than black women”
White female decision-makers are often from privileged racist backgrounds every bit and even more so racist than their male counterparts. They are also mostly ‘feminists’ who ally themselves with black women feminists against black men and other men, of course to keep themselves at the top. I find black women ally with them a lot in the U.S. and actually have an easier time with white women decision-makers as a result.
Hmm - well in my experience with white female decision-makers (in the UK) I’ve had a markedly worse time than with white male-decision makers with regard to job opportunities and education. Additionally, both my brother and myself separately had interactions with a white female member of parliament (like a congresswoman in the US) - she was extremely pleasant with him and somewhat hostile with me. Conversely we both had the same white male physician who was very pleasant with me and unsympathetic with him. Additionally, there are plenty of cases of white women who are married to black men who are extremely racist to black women and white men married to black women who are prejudiced against black men…I think racism often manifests itself as sexual jealousy and this goes both ways.
Although I agree with the posts here by Clare and the other black women present regarding not every single black man necessarily posing a serious threat to the System of White Supremacy, it is not a zero-sum game. That is why you see white people “succeeding” that don’t have anything going for them, but for the fact that they’re white. Allowing a couple of black males and females to so-called “succeed” is simply part of the cost of doing business, and moreover, business as usual. Everything seems to be collective. A White Supremacist will allow a non-white person; say a Chinese person to “so-called” “succeed” and then run a show called “Managing China”.
I think that Racist Woman is every bit as harmful as Racist Man. In fact Racist Woman is the collaborator with Racist Man. I cringe at the constant reference to the “White Man”, when the proper reference should be Racist Man.
I feel for most black men , I think most black men have a hard time in a Racist white society. Growing up I went to predominantly white schools , most the the young black men , could not hack it always being expelled for the testosterone filled rages , yes the girls had thier rages , but it was more accepted coming from a female than a male .
I don’t know how many of you are professional career driven people . But deffinitly if you are you have experienced who do I take to that picnic or to dinner with the boss , who can back me up and make me look good. The answer NOW for a lot of black people is a white person, hence white wives and white husbands.
It seems that most people now just want to fit in and what better way to do it than if you can’t beat them join them mentality . Lets take the latinos , some have very lightskin and can appear to be white with flavor , the latina the new white … Funny ever see some latinas in the white workplace, totally assimilated , but out of the white mans earshot , it’s back to spanglish and other nieghborhood colliquialisms.
Also Salt made some interesting comments . to add to her comments note the following .
In New York , a move has been made to take back the urban areas that were once/ still heavily populated by blacks and latinos. Our billionaire mayor has approved many new developments , literally in every neighborhood you can see at least 10 new developments. If an area catches on and a lot of whites start to move in , then the area starts to have starbucks , whole foods , cute restaurants. But how come these areas are designated for most white people ( through the price) ? How come most white people can afford to live here most blacks cannot . Whites are paid better than blacks . that is a fact , if a black man/woman chooses to make the same money as his or her counterparts , they have to assimilate , show interest in the white culture , they have to hang out and network , then only then can they hope to achieve the status of thier white counterparts. It’s really hard for most people to be in the white world but not of it , as it’s all consuming. It boils down to :
Most black people hate ourselves because we let most whites pimp us out in every way they can…It’s evident in every music video we product , mostly every movie that is produced . You have to be lightskinned with long hair real or fake it doesn’t make a difference. It’s kind of funny to see so many black women walking around with long straight hair.
I don’t think it matters what gender OR what sexual orientation any white decision makers is , bottom line power makes you cruel add in sexual tension then you have a recipe for disaster.
This is my first comment in quite sometime on this blog. I am glad to come back to see that it is still alive. IRT this blog, as a Chicago resident its funny you said these things, because I was just talking to a friend about these very observations. IMO, this is much deeper than a simple preference of race of wife (white), but more on a psychological level stemming from slavery where black men suffered through an emasculation (not an excuse, and I believe it to be self-emposed due to pride) as well as the thought of “forbidden fruit”. The idea that “white women” are easier to deal with is malarkey!
This is my first time posting to this blog. I am really glad I came across it. I am a black woman, a proud black woman at that. I live in the US but am from the continent. Truth Theory - I think we cannot underestimate the “self-hatred” that many of us carry around - and it is not just in the diaspora. Those of us who were left on the continent as the slave ships took our brothers and sisters away are not spared from it. Colonialism and apartheid left us its mark on our psyche. I am ashamed to say that too may sisters from my country will tell you that white men make better mates. The black men just seem grateful when a white woman gives them some attention. I had a brother from the continent tell me one time (as big brotherly advice to a sister) - “Leave your politics out of the bedroom. If it wasn’t for all this stuff you say, you would have found yourself a white man to marry by now!” It is sobering to think that our people think so poorly of themselves.
It is really a struggle to get people to understand that our choice of mates is a political statement. It is like putting an “X” on an election ballot.
Funny how AA women notice & have strong opinions about AA men & who they choose to be with. A bigger trend now a days is for AA women to be with & marry white men. I never seem to hear any issues raised by the action. All AA women who go outside the race aren’t there cause the AA men have left them. I feel they feel they have something better than the AA man. Yes, some AA men have issues that run very deep & verge on self hating, but it does go both ways. I’m still waiting for AA women to criticize their own for doing the same thing. Only then will I be able to listen to your complaints & take them seriously. Until then, look at your own backyard before you look into others.
The Black men who have wives of other races have every right to do so…However, many are hypocritical in the way they treat Black women…Sort of like the condescending “pat on the head” while he’s thinking otherwise…
BWDB http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com
I think, while I do not generally speaking have a problem with inter-racial marriages/dating if it is genuine love or happenstance, I tend to look suspicously at those relationships because of the way the way white supremacy has played itself out in this country and the world thorughout history.
Being someone who knew at an early age I would dedicate myself to the upliftment of my community, I knew anything other than a black woman for my wife was not an option. You can’t talk about uplifting the black community and building up the black family, and you’ve got a white wife. Its a complete contradiction.